Thank you, zoso77.
You might see from the history that my son's father has not only not detached but has been enabling him all along the way. I had to leave the area a few years ago, which put physical distance between us but I had also put emotional distance as well because I could not handle the dysfunction.
Five years ago, I started the habit of turning off my phone at 8pm so I would not get distress calls in the middle of the night. A number of times, my son had called me in a panic about the police being at his apartment or other such things. My therapist said that as a result I was suffering my own PTSD.
So, I have been able to detach but every time something new happens, I get so stressed out. With the probation violation that B just committed, I am scared to death of him going to state prison. B is a very handsome man, so what could possibly happen to him when inside just terrifies me.