[Veronica]

I do not drink alcohol and gave it up about a year ago. In the Big Book (Chapter 8, To Wives) it talks about 4 different kinds of alcoholics, the first of which are people who may be able to quit on their own, but if they were to keep drinking would most certainly become unable to to do so. I consider myself in this first category. I did not drink until I was 24 years old (when I went to law school). My uncle (dad's brother) was an alcoholic and I was in college when he went to rehab, so I was very aware of my propensity to be an alcoholic (my dad's dad also died an alcoholic). When I started drinking, I noticed that I wanted a drink any time I was stressed or something went wrong...or something went right... so I learned very quickly to closely monitor why I drank and how much I drank. Sometimes I got drunk when I did not intend to do so, but mostly I could control it. After a year or so of marriage, I realized my husband is an alcoholic. I saw how alcohol nearly destroyed him and nearly destroyed our marriage. When he went to rehab, I gave up alcohol all together - in part out of anger over what alcohol had done; in part because I was afraid that if it could happen to my husband, it could happen to me; and in part because I didn't want to lose control.

So now my question - can I go to closed AA meetings? I've gone to DOZENS of alanon meetings and unfortunately it is not for me. I want to work the 12 steps and I started doing this with my counselor...but due to insurance changes, I can no longer afford to keep seeing my counselor. I realize working the steps on my own is worthless. I would like to go to all women's AA meetings (which in my area are only closed meetings), but I am afraid people will think I do not belong there. Thoughts?