SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Staying Sober-a #1 priority?

lafever chris · 04-21-2005, 09:49 PM

Just so everyone knows, i speak from experince, there were times i was very miserable in the program because honestly i wasn`t in recovery, just hangin around i guess, so when i was going through those times i can`t say i was ever recovering, just abstinant. I would shut out someones experience strength and hope if they were talking all that god stuff, instantly i would block out whatever they were saying or make a mad dash to the coffee pot or pull out a cigarette, roll my eyes and look for someone to co-sign my behavior by talking to the person next to me, wich is very rude when someone is sharing, or worse yet make a noise, then iv`e distracted everyone else, not realizing i was creating chaos in the group. I had to find the spiritual side which ironically is what the whole program is about. I would look for fights to disquallify myself from ever getting help for my ultimate problem, myself, because to look in the mirror can be a very painfull experience, which means i`d have to work on myself instead of everyone around me. Thats my experience, if i`m ok with me then i`m ok with you! I can let you be were your at, even if that means letting you go back out for more, i did, why would you be any different then myself, i was one hard cookie. Being at peace with myself from tapping into the spirtual side of recovery has allowed me to take an honest look at myself, a look thats non-biased, meaning i had to be accountable for my actions and quit blaming life or what others had done or are doing. The great thing about this is that now iv`e realized that where i blamed, i now see life on lifes terms, theres no blame only cercomstances wich effected me spiritually until i was spiritually dead inside. By taking a non-biased inventory i can pray for those who effected me, instead of getting angry or resentfull and then reliving the whole experience over and over, insanity, doing the same things expecting different results, i simply gave in to a simple program. It only took me 17 years, how long will it take you?

chris

P.S. in case no ones told you, i love you, and god bless

04-21-2005, 09:49 PM	#33 (permalink)
lafever chris whataday Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: al. Posts: 91	Just so everyone knows, i speak from experince, there were times i was very miserable in the program because honestly i wasn`t in recovery, just hangin around i guess, so when i was going through those times i can`t say i was ever recovering, just abstinant. I would shut out someones experience strength and hope if they were talking all that god stuff, instantly i would block out whatever they were saying or make a mad dash to the coffee pot or pull out a cigarette, roll my eyes and look for someone to co-sign my behavior by talking to the person next to me, wich is very rude when someone is sharing, or worse yet make a noise, then iv`e distracted everyone else, not realizing i was creating chaos in the group. I had to find the spiritual side which ironically is what the whole program is about. I would look for fights to disquallify myself from ever getting help for my ultimate problem, myself, because to look in the mirror can be a very painfull experience, which means i`d have to work on myself instead of everyone around me. Thats my experience, if i`m ok with me then i`m ok with you! I can let you be were your at, even if that means letting you go back out for more, i did, why would you be any different then myself, i was one hard cookie. Being at peace with myself from tapping into the spirtual side of recovery has allowed me to take an honest look at myself, a look thats non-biased, meaning i had to be accountable for my actions and quit blaming life or what others had done or are doing. The great thing about this is that now iv`e realized that where i blamed, i now see life on lifes terms, theres no blame only cercomstances wich effected me spiritually until i was spiritually dead inside. By taking a non-biased inventory i can pray for those who effected me, instead of getting angry or resentfull and then reliving the whole experience over and over, insanity, doing the same things expecting different results, i simply gave in to a simple program. It only took me 17 years, how long will it take you? chris P.S. in case no ones told you, i love you, and god bless __________________ whataday Last edited by lafever chris; 04-21-2005 at 10:59 PM.