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spedteach · 04-11-2005, 08:08 AM

Good morning,
Well I am here seeking some advice from you people. My husband, whom I love deeply and want to see happy, is dealing with depression. He's been dealing with this diagnosed for the last 4 years, probably for years prior to this being diagnosed. He is one that reaches to alcohol to help his depression. For almost a year, he was on Zoloft and what a HUGE change that made in him..he was happy, optimisitic and easy going. In January, his script ran out and he had to see the dr. to be re-evaluated and he decided hey, I feel better, I don't need the meds. So yes, he stopped taking them cold turkey (He's done this before but never after almost a year on them with this much success). He started to turn more negative and started saying how much he hates his job..and yes, his boss is aware of his past and has been sympathetic to it as his daughter has similar issues and is unable to keep a job. Anyhow, I could see him sprialing out of control but he did not want to hear any warnings. It started with a beer here or there, then it escalated on Thursday from there...he went out after work and lets just say that he has no memories of how much he drank or the ride home (thankfully someone else drove him home). He was in BAD shape. On Friday, I called into his work (yes, I know the worst codependent thing you can do..but I did and it's done with now). He did drink again on Friday but poured the remainder out on Sat. he's spent the weekend beating himself up for what he did. We have had a talk to go through some issues we have (which I suspect are partly triggering this now) and he assured me that he'd get things straightened out. Well, this morning he called into work again. I do not understand why he isn't going to work. I told him that nicely and he said he tried to talk himself into it all night long but that he just can't do it. Something in his head and he can not get the energy to go to work. He did call in, he knows I'm not happy about it as I fear he'll lose his job and we can not finanically afford to live on just my income. This makes me upset because I know that his mental health is the most important thing right now...I want to be supportive of him and I want to understand, but I am also concerned. He is calling his boss today and hopefully, by the grace of God, his boss will continue to be understanding that this is a small step back and that this will turn around (it's been over a year since he's missed work due to his depression)..time will tell. He tells me that he can't handle the pressures and stress of his job (he works in an engineering company as a designer) and frankly, I don't understand and I'm sure it's because I don't have depression at all. I know that the drinking will take care of itself because once he's on the meds, he doesn't even have the desire to drink, it's when he's off the meds that he has the desire (at least that's what he says). He is making an appointment today with his drs to get back on meds and hopefully into counseling. Given his childhood traumas, it's amazing he can function and I must note, he's a WONDERFUL dad and husband when he's not in his depression. Not that he's not a great person when he is, he just doesn't do anything and it's a very stressful time. I guess the good thing is he's doing something proactive quickly now where in the past, he'd have let things go on for a longer period of time before he did anything.

From those of you that have been in his shoes, what can I do to help him? I want to be supportive of him, but I don't want to over do it and be too pushy..

Thanks in advance!

04-11-2005, 08:08 AM	#1 (permalink)
spedteach Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: Mich Posts: 127	How do I help him? Good morning, Well I am here seeking some advice from you people. My husband, whom I love deeply and want to see happy, is dealing with depression. He's been dealing with this diagnosed for the last 4 years, probably for years prior to this being diagnosed. He is one that reaches to alcohol to help his depression. For almost a year, he was on Zoloft and what a HUGE change that made in him..he was happy, optimisitic and easy going. In January, his script ran out and he had to see the dr. to be re-evaluated and he decided hey, I feel better, I don't need the meds. So yes, he stopped taking them cold turkey (He's done this before but never after almost a year on them with this much success). He started to turn more negative and started saying how much he hates his job..and yes, his boss is aware of his past and has been sympathetic to it as his daughter has similar issues and is unable to keep a job. Anyhow, I could see him sprialing out of control but he did not want to hear any warnings. It started with a beer here or there, then it escalated on Thursday from there...he went out after work and lets just say that he has no memories of how much he drank or the ride home (thankfully someone else drove him home). He was in BAD shape. On Friday, I called into his work (yes, I know the worst codependent thing you can do..but I did and it's done with now). He did drink again on Friday but poured the remainder out on Sat. he's spent the weekend beating himself up for what he did. We have had a talk to go through some issues we have (which I suspect are partly triggering this now) and he assured me that he'd get things straightened out. Well, this morning he called into work again. I do not understand why he isn't going to work. I told him that nicely and he said he tried to talk himself into it all night long but that he just can't do it. Something in his head and he can not get the energy to go to work. He did call in, he knows I'm not happy about it as I fear he'll lose his job and we can not finanically afford to live on just my income. This makes me upset because I know that his mental health is the most important thing right now...I want to be supportive of him and I want to understand, but I am also concerned. He is calling his boss today and hopefully, by the grace of God, his boss will continue to be understanding that this is a small step back and that this will turn around (it's been over a year since he's missed work due to his depression)..time will tell. He tells me that he can't handle the pressures and stress of his job (he works in an engineering company as a designer) and frankly, I don't understand and I'm sure it's because I don't have depression at all. I know that the drinking will take care of itself because once he's on the meds, he doesn't even have the desire to drink, it's when he's off the meds that he has the desire (at least that's what he says). He is making an appointment today with his drs to get back on meds and hopefully into counseling. Given his childhood traumas, it's amazing he can function and I must note, he's a WONDERFUL dad and husband when he's not in his depression. Not that he's not a great person when he is, he just doesn't do anything and it's a very stressful time. I guess the good thing is he's doing something proactive quickly now where in the past, he'd have let things go on for a longer period of time before he did anything. From those of you that have been in his shoes, what can I do to help him? I want to be supportive of him, but I don't want to over do it and be too pushy.. Thanks in advance!