[Star Gazer]

I ended a 5 year relationship, about 8 months ago, with a recovered A that has been sober for 20 years. Note that he is also 16 years older than me. We both have major co-dependancy issues and knew at the end that we were better off apart. I fight the urge to take care of him daily but I have done rather well at detaching.

Well, I met a man that is 20 years older than me. The age difference crossed my mind as a red flag. I quickly dismissed it because this man is a completely different type of person, or so I thought. He is just like my ex, only educated with a good job. Like my ex, he showered me with compliments to attract me, we have alot of fun together but rarely discuss anything serious and he fell very quickly for me. He is a workaholic and admits to not being "good" at life and taking things to the extreme. He even tells me that he needs me to take care of him! I fell right into my old habit of being swept of my feet by this man that says he can take care of me and treat me well. And of course, I doted over him, making sure he took his medication when he was sick and reminding him not to work late. However, through all this, something didn't feel right. It took him going on vacation for 3 weeks for me to step back and see what I was doing.


There is also another man in my life I met shortly before my break up. We aren't really sure what we think of each other, though we are quite smitten, but niether of us will admit it. He is my age. He is not an addict. We have real conversations that do not revolve around sex or flirting. We have "real" things in common. I really have no idea where this relationship will lead, as we are quite far from each other at the moment. He takes things very slowly. Telling me that it takes time to fall in love. We have no false expectations of each other. We are blatantly honest. It is all very unromantic. However, it feels good. It feels good to do something different.

I guess my whole point to this is that I find as I progress in my recovery, I catch myself making the wrong decisions. I see red flags before they become problems. I actually trust my instincts! I had thought that getting into another relationship would be easy. I now understand that it will take time and that I need to take my time. As for avoiding Codie behavior, I find that as I meet healthy people, I don't have codie tendencies.

Ultimatley, I look to my HP for help and trust that I am taking the right path.