[best]

Here Kitty Kitty
We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think
anyone can top this one:
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm
lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway,
because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned
= that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to
coming = in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a
doozy to = explain the bandage on the top of my head.

The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my =
wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new
acquisition = was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower
after breakfast when = I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the
kitchen.

"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset =
it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me
in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take
you a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent
outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her
behaviour as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted = down and
stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action
I remember performing. It struck without warning, and without any
respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing
me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered
the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs.
She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached
under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable,
she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her
needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements,
blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a
kitten hanging from my masculine region Wild animals are sometimes
faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament,
choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was
fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and
forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold. When I
awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not
many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the
kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there,
done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my
wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct
their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical
laughter.... .and not succeeding. Somehow I lived through it all. A
few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where
colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury
I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it
was. "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"

If they only knew!

Why is it that only the women laugh at this?