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Originally Posted by utopia if i want to be attracted to healthy people I have to be healthy MYSELF. |
This is really hitting home as I try and regain my footing after my break-up last week. I thought that I had moved to 'healthy people' with this past relationship. After all, I had gone from being with an addict in denial to a gentle loving man with 17 years recovery behind him.
But the fact was, neither of us was very healthy. We were both still thigh-high in our co-dependency and desperate for love, each of us having left toxic relationships not very long before. We lost our sense of healthy boundaries and became enmeshed very quickly, talking about marriage quite early on. And each of still is dealing with lots of childhood 'stuff'.
The point of this is that there are degrees of healthy. Yes, it was a much more loving relationship and free of addiction. But my ex lived recovery almost 24/7, has huge trust issues, and I have huge abandonment issues.
I had had a good head-start on my co-dependency. The work had enabled me to end the very destructive relationship with my previous partner. I felt strong leaving it, and empowered in taking back my life. But then, I walked straight into a different enmeshment.
*sigh* one day at a time
gf