Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr

I'm a recovering alcoholic (in my 23rd year) and can toss out some examples of how we think. I've changed a great deal thanks to the 12 Steps and lots of therapy but I'm still an addict and think like one sometimes.

In the Big Book ("Alcoholics Anonymous") Bill Wilson describes active alcoholics perfectly. Self centered in the extreme, huge self-will, delusional. We have enormous egos and suffer from low self-esteem (I think it's self hatred) and grandiosity. "His majesty the child" is one way of putting it ........ the level of immaturity is scary. For an active alcoholic the bottle is his/her higher power, God, great love of his life; we'll let family and friends go rather than give up booze (although a few of us do, thank God).

Why? Because rationalization and denial are part of our distorted thinking. Remember, it's a progressive disease. I've heard people called "high functioning alcoholic". Well we were all high functioning in the beginning but if you keep on drinking life gets worse and worse.

So what are sober alcoholics like? There's a saying: you can't turn a pickle back into a cucumber. If you take the alcohol away from a drunken horse thief you have a horse thief. I got sober in AA. The odds of staying sober aren't good: roughly 30% make it to one year. We put the booze down and very quickly it becomes clear that if we don't change we won't stay sober. I had the "gift of desperation" because I came within a hair's breath of dying so I took every suggestion: 90 meetings in 90 days, got a sponsor, avoided people, places and things that could trigger a relapse. The big changes come from the 12 Steps and cognitive therapy. It takes years, a great deal of motivation and hard work to really change.

Remember alcoholism (addiction) is classified as a mental illness. Alcoholics think differently from non-addicts. The insanity is we keep drinking despite the terrible hangovers, disastrous relationships, continued isolation and misery. In the beginning alcohol makes us "high"....but at some point it turns on us and takes us into deep misery and self-hate. Many of us drink as a way of self-medicating in order to avoid painful feelings.

I come here because I'm also codependent, but my big addiction is alcohol (with a sprinkling of Valium, lol). Now I can laugh when alcoholic thinking pops up ("if one is good, 27 is better"!). I still have denial and rationalization, the reason I still go to meetings. I know I have another drink in me but I don't think I have another recovery. Getting sober is the most important thing I've ever done.

Codependents waste so much time trying to figure out alcoholics. I don't know what it's like to be bipolar and you will never figure out addict thinking. It's not rational so let it go. Through Alanon I learned that the problem isn't the other alcoholic, it's me. That there's a big difference between love and need. It's so much easier to focus on someone elses problems instead of dealing with my own. Recovery was learning to choose people who are normal and healthy, who bring happiness and joy to my life. One of my favorite lines comes from Thelma and Louise: "Thelma, you get what you settle for". And, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

As Bill W. says "drinking is but a symptom" of a much bigger problem. Always remember it's a mental illness.