Wow, these are great responses. I've been up all night. Just can't sleep these days. Anyway, I am seeing a therapist (for those who asked) but I haven't told her about this. Nor have I told my Psych about my inability to remember my meds half the time. I need them for bipolar. I hear you about helping others and I'm going to have to bite the bullet and call even though every cell in my body is screaming against it because I just want to be alone alone alone all the time--well not totally alone; I have a super sweet pitbull who is, I have to admit, my best friend at this point. Anyway, I'm taking your suggestions to heart. I'm grateful there are compassionate people on this site who understand and take the time too share what they've learned.
Zorah