Hi Zorah,
I'm glad you reached out and for sharing. I can only imagine the inner turmoil that must be going on within.
I was struggling what to say that can help or ease your anguish. Being a precarious situation I'm afraid my words might come out wrong. I realized being here, I Suck at writing compared to everyone here.
I just want to say your post/share is helping me in my worries of slipping. My alcoholic brain is rationalizing every bit of my situation. I'm in my first week. Not that it matters bc anybody at any sobriety date can take that first drink at anytime. I'm new to sobriety.
My point is... by trying to help you, I ended up helping myself. So, please keep sharing. YOu don't know who you are helping in spite of what you're situation.
I hope this helped in someway. i hope what i wrote came across ok. My lack of sleep, natural sleeping aid, and my withdrawal/ brain fog isn't helping with my writing. Or maybe, it is.
I hope the darkness you are feeling passes soon.