inching toward relapse
i'm slipping. i have a year and a half of sobriety due to a great sponsor and meetings. i'm working the steps. but the last two months, i feel like i'm sliding into darkness, my old dark place where i don't give a s--t about anything, especially me. i'm healthier and stronger in some ways, more honest, but my cravings are back; i'm incredibly irritated and restless all the time, angry, pissed at everyone, convinced i'm a victim etc. oh, and my days are so unstructured and dysfunctional i have to fight off self-loathing just to crawl out of bed. i stood and stared at the bountiful offerings in the liquor section of the grocery store, just hypnotized. i'm just telling on myself because i've been keeping this to myself which i know is what the disease wants. my sponsor is away right now too, so i'm feeling kind of alone (i'm not a good joiner and still am not calling people in any of my meetings). so.... if you have any words of wisdom i'm all ears and thanks for listening.
Zorah