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Old 02-07-2014, 01:52 PM
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jdooner
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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I believe I developed into an addict based on how I was raised and the exposure or influences I had in my life.

Sex was my first addiction with alcohol and drugs second and third in terms of activation. During my late teens and early twenties I had some moments of clarity. Looking back, I believe these were merely shifts shifts in my addiction from substance to behavioral. For example, when I was skiing professionally, I gave up booze altogether because it got in my way of my new obsession, skiing. When I achieved 80% of what I set out for (a theme) my growth slowed I shifted addictions and booze and drugs came back. Its really is a merry go round. The next twenty years would trade off between substance and behavioral addictions booze, Ritalin, Coke a little bit of ecstasy and then sex, working out and my career.

I can now see that when I would get bored and feel like I had plateaued my substance abuse would increase.

I can also say that as my career took off, my behavioral addictions did too. My house was not enough, I had to knock it down to build a 7K square foot house. Skiing was not good enough, I had to go hell skiing. Racing a car was not good enough as a hobby, I had to buy a formula race team. The list goes on and on but you get the point. This bleeds into all aspects - is my wife good enough or do I need to trade her in for a 25year old...you can see the progression, as this too is an addiction - enough is never enough because its an addiction - a mirage.

As I became more successful in terms of titles and wealth, I had more people supporting me. I had Assistants and their job was to make things easier. Money was no longer an object and my cries for help went unanswered. Towards the end I was thoroughly out of control daring anyone and everyone around me to catch me - dead inside. Part of me believes the support prolonged the inevitability and I am lucky by the Grace of God that I did not die during the darkest period.
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