Hi, Pete,
Sorry you're feeling so bad about yourself right now. Quitting drinking isn't a matter of wanting to. It's a matter of changing your beliefs and your actions. Sometimes we have to change the actions first -- by not buying the stuff, for example -- even when we really don't want the discomfort of sobriety. Remove the opportunity and make it inconvenient to drink.
When you're planning to quit one of the most important things is dealing with urges. Here's something from a web site I really like, by Dr. Robert Sarmiento:
"Here are some specific methods to try [for resisting urges]:
Just accepting the urge can help. It's okay to have urges - everybody does.
It's what you do with the urge that counts.
Ignore the urge. Keep it at a distance, like a thought going in one ear and
out the other.
Detach yourself from the urge. Think of the urge as "it" and study it. What
does it feel like?
Rate the urge. How strong is it on a one to ten scale? Are you
exaggerating? Compare the discomfort of resisting the urge to other
possible discomforts, like being boiled alive in oil or having your
fingernails pulled out one at a time. [...or skipping food all day, or running a marathon, or....]
Distract yourself. Do something. Go out. Call someone. Get absorbed in a
task. Exercise. Remind yourself of the benefits of resisting and the long
term costs of giving in.
Remember a "moment of clarity" when you realized your habit is a problem.
Try relaxing yourself by imagining a peaceful scene.
Visualize yourself in the near future feeling good about having resisted
the urge. Paint a mental picture of how badly you will feel if you give in,
like a scene with you hugging the toilet bowl with the title, "Drinking is
Fun".
Personify the urge by calling it the inner brat, the alcohol salesman in
your head, the "beast"....
Remind yourself that the urge will pass. Think about other urges you have that you routinely resist. How do you do that?
Develop coping statements, thoughts that counter urge causing ideas. For example, if you are thinking, "I deserve a drink try telling yourself, "Even though it is unfair that I have this problem, drinking is not a wise choice for me."
After you begin to develop some mastery of your urges, you may want to
confront them rather than just waiting until they happen. There are many
ways to do this, for example: Try visualizing a situation in the past where
you had a strong urge, like running a videotape in your head. At first,
allow yourself to feel the urge and react as you did. They run the tape
again and without changing anything, force yourself to see yourself
resisting the urge. Practice this repeatedly until you get a feel for how
you can do it. This is like "instant replay". Mentally "rehearse" a
situation that might happen in the future doing the same "switching" of
your feelings and reactions.
Try to make yourself have an urge, as for example in thinking about your
"drug of choice". This will probably be less intense and more "controlled",
so it will give you a chance to practice, like practicing all week before
the big game on the weekend.
Practice, Practice, Practice"
*Copyright © 1995, Robert F. Sarmiento, Ph.D., All Rights Reserved
http://www.cyberpsych.com/
Don S