My abuser is trying to contact me. I have blocked him from my email and any cell numbers he's called me from I've blocked and it goes straight to VM. Honestly, I'm NOT afraid of him...I'm more afraid of him pulling at my heart strings. I saw the number in my Blocked list on my cell and for a moment I wanted to UNBLOCK the number so I could talk to him and hear what he wanted to say....WTF (why the face)?!!!!! AS IF! Like WHAT am I expecting him to say?! I love you...I'm so sorry for all the abuse...I'm going to change and spend the rest of my life with you. HA! First, he's 23...I'm almost 53. Second, he's abused me so much both physically and mentally that I can't think straight! Lastly, HE IS NEVER GOING TO CHANGE!!!!! AND I WILL NOT ALLOW HIM TO EVER ABUSE ME AGAIN!
AND...HE IS A TRIGGER...and will cause me to spiral downward and back into the drinking and drugs yet again!
I KNOW I'm doing the right thing in blocking him and getting rid of him. I MUST STAY STRONG!
I've given in EVERY time and the abuse just gets worse! And then the drinking starts again. And each and every time it brings me deeper into a place I don't want to be!!!
I need to stay strong! I MUST!!!
