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ChinaLee,
Perfection is not the goal of Al-Anon, honest is. And at times I struggle with this b/c honest is one of the challenges of the ACOA (remember the 13 characteristics?). You asked about if there is room for resentment and I recalled a Thought of the Day that came through just this weekend which sums it up for me.
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Resent Somebody
The moment you start to resent a person you become that person's slave. He or she controls your dreams, absorbs your digestion, robs you of your peace of mind and good will, and takes away the pleasure of your work.
A person you resent ruins your spirituality and nullifies your prayers. You cannot take a vacation without that person going along! He or she destroys your freedom of mind and hounds you wherever you go. There is no way to escape the person you resent.
That person is with you when you are awake and invades your privacy when you sleep. That person is close beside you when you eat, when you drive your car, and when you are on the job.
You can never have efficiency or happiness. The person you resent influences even the tone of your voice. He or she requires you to take medicine for indigestion, headaches, and loss of energy. That person even steals your last moment of consciousness before you go to sleep.
So if you want to be a slave, harbor your resentments.
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One other piece of wisdom which has come from Al-Anon is that forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for me. I am the one who benefits from forgiveness. And when I really think about this statement it becomes truer with the deeper the hurt. I am the one who benefits from letting go. And when I remind myself of this, I can let go of the anger sooner.
This is one of the reasons that there are steps b/c it takes time to learn how to do something. I'm not gifted to jump in and get things first try, usually I need a good bit of practice to get it right.
Petunia
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