Hi TigerKnee and welcome. It might not feel like it but you just made a step towards changing your life. I know what it feels like to feel trapped. You want something so much even though it is killing you. It's hard because it is a lonely feeling. Reading about other people's experience here helped me so much.
Not sure how much you know about detox, but if you are drinking a lot it is wise to consult a doctor. I know it's scary, but for me living the way I was living was scarier. I was tired of being a slave to a liquid in a bottle.
Glad you are here!