Hi Mr. Wotsit, glad you here man! Yea dude, I been there, as you can tell from the title of my thread here.
I tell you, speaking of cheesy, I got something that just jumped out at me so crystal clear this time. Its been showing up plain as day.
In my case, I've really been playing small in the a key area, and that is in being the leader and contributor I am capable of being. Both inside recovery and outside. I've been holding back.
Truth be told, because i have an attachment disorder issue (that I'm finally going to start getting some help for starting next week!) that has made it hard for me to establish and maintain relationships, including and sometimes especially, in the rooms of recovery. Through no fault of their own. Ive had many many fine people try. But part of what goes on in me just makes me not interested.
Now, in the past, in some of my better recovery, I have made the decision that i am going to be a stand for other people. Regardless of my attachment stuff. That I am going to commit to being a stand for others. And through that, have led meetings, and sponsored, and been the leader and motivator that I can be. But then I've lost steam and faded back into the background again. Thinking "whats the use", etc.
But what I'm really clear about for me today, is that I really HAVE to make my contribution here. I really do. What connection that is possible for me is really most experienced through being that person, showing up for others, and making my recovery and my life about really using what I have to help others. When my life is about THAT, recovery has meaning and purpose. When my life does not center around that, even recovery loses its meaning and purpose for me.
So, at the risk of sounding cheesy myself, I just have to share out loud that I really have to make strong effort to be the contributor Im able to be. In meetings now by reaching my hand out to other newbies. On here by messaging other newbies. Taking people to coffee and listening. And what ever other ways present themselves over time.
And also outside meetings, like I've now jumped back into writing and creating this short film and I'd outlined. I've got meetings set up all next week with writer/directors who love the concept and want to be a part of it. And I have the ability to help lead that project, and to get my voice out there and make my contribution.
So, just wanted to share that. I'm really present to how important in my life and my recovery really showing up to be who I can be for others really gives recovery itself more purpose and meaning for me.
I hope you're well today bud. And keep sharing and letting me/us know your here and whats going on. Helps us all
Thx- Chris