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Sesquipedalian · 01-13-2005, 03:30 PM

I'm having a problem, well, many problems. First of all, I've recently realized that I do not understand myself at all. My dad is an active alcoholic, something I just came to terms with last year or so. I've just started Alanon, but still, it feels like so many things are going wrong in my life. I'm twenty years old and I have a great boyfriend that I've been dating for two years, and who is supportive, loving, etc. I don't know why I do this, but I always feel that I intentionally screw things up when things are “fine” in the relationship. For example, if he doesn't want to come over, I always feel hurt. Or, if he comes over and says he needs to leave, or turns me down when I want to be intimate, or would rather do something else, I just crumble. (I think perhaps this comes from the fact that I never turn him down, because I never feel that I can. Actually, I don't know what it would feel like to want to turn him down. I never have a desire to do so…) I just sit and cry, and he doesn't understand what in the world for.

I furthermore feel like I need affection all the time. Yet, when I'm upset, I don't want my boyfriend to touch me. I cling to my boyfriend, yet I resent him when I do. I think that this might be a power play. I try thinking about the alanon slogans that tell me to “let go” and live my own life, but ugh…it's so much more difficult to use them when you really need them. What's even worse is that after I'm done dealing with all of this and want to “act normally” again, I feel horribly guilty for putting my boyfriend through everything. We're young, and I think he deserves more than someone with odd behaviors like me. Regardless, he tells me that he just wants me to be happy and get better. He's even offered to go to alanon meetings with me. But, I don't know…I suppose since I'm a newbie I want to know that alanon will work. Right now, I feel like I'm going insane and that there's no way I'll ever be able to slough off these behaviors.

Thank you for listening.

01-13-2005, 03:30 PM	#1 (permalink)
Sesquipedalian Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Bloomington, IN Posts: 4	Encouragement for a Newbie I'm having a problem, well, many problems. First of all, I've recently realized that I do not understand myself at all. My dad is an active alcoholic, something I just came to terms with last year or so. I've just started Alanon, but still, it feels like so many things are going wrong in my life. I'm twenty years old and I have a great boyfriend that I've been dating for two years, and who is supportive, loving, etc. I don't know why I do this, but I always feel that I intentionally screw things up when things are “fine” in the relationship. For example, if he doesn't want to come over, I always feel hurt. Or, if he comes over and says he needs to leave, or turns me down when I want to be intimate, or would rather do something else, I just crumble. (I think perhaps this comes from the fact that I never turn him down, because I never feel that I can. Actually, I don't know what it would feel like to want to turn him down. I never have a desire to do so…) I just sit and cry, and he doesn't understand what in the world for. I furthermore feel like I need affection all the time. Yet, when I'm upset, I don't want my boyfriend to touch me. I cling to my boyfriend, yet I resent him when I do. I think that this might be a power play. I try thinking about the alanon slogans that tell me to “let go” and live my own life, but ugh…it's so much more difficult to use them when you really need them. What's even worse is that after I'm done dealing with all of this and want to “act normally” again, I feel horribly guilty for putting my boyfriend through everything. We're young, and I think he deserves more than someone with odd behaviors like me. Regardless, he tells me that he just wants me to be happy and get better. He's even offered to go to alanon meetings with me. But, I don't know…I suppose since I'm a newbie I want to know that alanon will work. Right now, I feel like I'm going insane and that there's no way I'll ever be able to slough off these behaviors. Thank you for listening.