Baleine

Hi everyone, I am brand new to this. I have finally realized what I've suspected for a long time, that I am an alcoholic. It feels so strange to say that because in my head, an alcoholic is a disaster, someone who drinks every day and can't function without a shot of vodka in the morning. The stereotype, you know?

I'm very successful, strong, and together. Mostly. I have a great job and a wonderful husband. No kids. But every now and then I drink so much that I wake up with no memory of what I did the night before, what I said, was I unfaithful etc. the anxiety I feel the next day makes me feeling like I can't get through the day.

I'm on Day 2 and feeling quite strong, except for one thing. Everyone says "one day a time" but that terrifies me. I never ever want to drink again and if I say I won't drink today, that scares me because does that mean I may drink tomorrow? I want to take comfort in not drinking again forever. I can't live like this anymore, it has to stop. One day at a time is not good enough.

I feel like if I say that I will do this one day at a time, that ill slip. That ill tell myself tomorrow that I don't know what I was thinking, I have no problem with alcohol, I'm fine. Then I'll have a drink. And it might be fine that time, and the next. But I'm just waiting for the day that I wake up and find that I've had sex with someone else, or driven a car that crashed and killed someone, or that I've humiliated myself at a work function and gotten fired.

Does anyone feel like this? Like one day at a time is just terrifying?