Overit263: I'm right there with you. I've done all of that (even in the crying in random places). Once I accepted that it was not my cross to bear, it did feel better. I guess I also hope for the best, but expect the worst. And that's what scares me. And you're right, there are good days and bad. I'm just afraid if I completely let go, so will he. He also has childhood issues and PTSD and uses that as an excuse. And so have I. But, you're right. We all have some kind of trauma or issues and most of us deal with it in a much healthier manner and dont let it destroy us. Of course, I tell him things like this, but he's too far down the rabbit hole to see the light. I guess if he truly does need me, like he says he does, then he will have to get sober to have me in his life. If I make it clear that when he's sober, I will be there, then MAYBE that is better motivation for him to want to get better then me holding his hand through his addiction.
Choublsk: I hope you're right! I can't really tell if he's that far down the road or if he's trying to manipulate me. The one thing that gives me some hope is that he went for emergency therapy when I wasn't there for a few days.