What I did was send an email to my AH. I told him that I love him and he needs to do this for himself, I cannot give or do anymore than I already have. I used my AH's family as an excuse for his using. He was molested as a young teen because he never had supervision etc. and his mom gave him pain pills, then his brothers were older and they gave him drugs... Then I finally snapped out of it and realized, hey, I've been through some really bad stuff in my life too, and I always made a conscious decision not to do things to hurt myself. I would make it a point that you will only be available after he does this for himself, and is clean and sober for a while and that you care about him but can't help him. That's just what I've done, everyone is different. But I feel like I love my soon to be ex husband so much, that I don't care what he has to do to be alive and clean, even if being with me isn't in the cards. I hope for the best and prepare for the worst. They really have to want it for themselves no matter what. Back away and don't let yourself become a tool for him. No matter how strong you think you are, they can always wear cracks in our foundations. Believe me, there are bad days and good days. I've cried at a car dealership, at a cvs, and in the middle of a shopping center. I am not ashamed of my feelings, but I refuse for these feelings to become the norm. Towards the end when I couldn't figure out what he was doing, I had started assuming he was using and I kept saying "I refuse to let your disease become my disease". Walking away does not make you a bad person in anyway, I think it says "I will not tolerate you hurting yourself and me in the process".