Hi bdnb,
I was fluent in that language too so I understand your earlier posts. I've been there. Unfortunately they were usually text messages to friends and heaven forbid a couple times emails to coworkers. Ugh.
Don't give up. It ain't easy but it can be done. It is one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. But continuing what I was doing wasn't easy either. It was a worse kind of hard.
It was a wasting my life. Hard staying sober is just hard work. It's not a waste. I'm actually doing something.
I had to keep an open mind at first and just tell myself I have no other alternative than to just suck it up and go to any means necessary to stop the madness. In reality, all the difficulties I dealt with at first felt at the time almost unbearable but in retrospect it wasn't even close to the hell I was living if I'm honest with myself.
Somewhere inside there was just a little of me left that I felt was worth the fight of my life to save. I hung on to that for dear life at first.
Then it got better.
I hope you find your way.
((Hug))