If you could channel some of your impatience into working the steps with a sponsor so you recover from alcoholism and change that would be the most useful thing for you to do now! You mention wanting to have an 'alive' life feeling instead of drudging on from the last drink trying to avoid the next so do the above. Have you heard the promises, most meetings read them out, they come true mid way through step 9 not before...good luck:-)