I found myself nodding about this too. I've been having these thoughts too and grappling with bouts of loneliness and depression. I also have 10 months and progressing slowly through step 9 while doing the maintenance steps as best I can.
Practicing mindfulness has helped a lot. It's a discipline that takes so much practice and effort. The mind is so deceptive, distracting and noisy. I try to be mindful of negative thoughts and feelings and observe them rather than giving them energy by fighting or being analytical. Try to live in the moment.
That inner peace that comes sometimes, that serenity, bliss, love and light and happiness; that's your inner true reality that lies behind the illusion of self and is clouded by our thoughts and ego.
Try Step 11 for a while. You are free to jump ahead to it. I started Step 11 on day 2 of my recovery. How else can we maintain conscious contact with our HP that we came to believe in step 2?