Thread: Sponsor
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Old 07-07-2013, 05:15 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Kathleen41
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: FL
Posts: 698
Originally Posted by pixy View Post
Looking from some advice.
I was 5 years sober, and got a sponsor about 4 years into recovery. We had almost made it through the steps when I picked up a drink earlier this year.

I rang her, and we discussed the slip, and I rang a few more times, but then stopped. I stopped AA, and got on with the business of drinking. I then booked into see an addiction specialist, and have recently started attending AA again, maybe 1 meeting every couple of weeks, but I have yet to go back to my home group.

Probably inappropriately I was upset that my sponsor did not try to contact me at all, and in the bigger picture only 1 person from my home group actually texted me to see if I was okay. Sure it was pride and all the rest, but I felt hurt that I just disappeared off the scene, and it was like I had never even been there.

Rambling, now, my question, is my sponsor still my sponsor, how would you take things forward. My addiction specialist is suggesting a new sponsor.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.
I have a couple thoughts, and since you asked for advice, I’ll give you some!!

First of all, welcome back to sobriety. It takes courage to take the first step and ask for help. I noticed you wrote that you are going to an AA meeting “every couple of weeks.” Why so infrequently? It is suggested by most that you go to a meeting daily in early sobriety. One can debate whether the “90 meetings in 90 days” is in the literature, but one can’t debate the success of people who do it. I couldn’t have gotten sober without the daily meetings. My mind just kept telling me to stop at the store and get a drink. But maybe that’s just me. In my opinion, a meeting every couple weeks will not be effective.

Next, a word about your home group. Honestly, I haven’t relapsed (I realize that I am eligible!). I have a good AA friend who has several times, and she has shared with me that going back to her home group, admitting she relapsed, and getting her 24 hour chip is one of the most humbling experiences she has ever had. I ask you to consider, Is your pride keeping you from your home group? If so, swallow your pride, eat a slice of humble pie, go back to your home group and get a chip!!

Lastly, about you sponsor. I disagree with the notion that you wouldn’t have relapsed if your sponsor was more attentive. No sponsor is responsible for the results of their work with a sponsee. The results of program work are up to the sponsee and their higher power. However, if you feel that you’re not able to learn from you sponsor, you may want to consider a different sponsor, if another would be more helpful. I chair a meeting in a women’s prison, and last week one of the attendees shared “When I get out of here, I’m gonna find me a sponsor who can keep me sober!” My response to that is “Well good luck honey, cuz that ain’t how it works!!” The phone call needs to come from you, picking up the phone is a sign of willingness, your willingness to work on the program. A sponsor can't be expected to work with anyone who cannot show willingness. My sponsor invests time in me, she has other women who would like her to sponsor them, but she only has so much time available. The least I can do is be willing to make an effort and do the work, right? Are you willing to do the work?

Keep coming back. Peace and love.
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