Just because some label is on something doesn't make it so. I have at least 3 people who asked me to sponsor them, got together with them, they were enthused, and I really haven't heard much at all since then. I do not know if they moved to another sponsor (which is fine), going to another meeting (which is fine) or simply are embarrassed to call.
I don't consider myself sponsor in these situations. Same thing with people in the meeting. Just because I see them, I'm not necessarily friends. I wouldn't begin to presume that it would be OK to call and ask, "Why aren't you at the meeting?" I assume that people are doing great, even if I do not see them, unless I hear otherwise.
When I have developed real friendships in the program, then naturally, they call, know what's going on, etc. I leave those who choose to drink again to their own choice. I know they know they can trust me, call me, and I also know...they do not want that.
I think you have a great idea here about what did NOT work so well for you the first time in AA and some direction here as to what you can change.
Want a friend? Be a friend. Want a close sponsor relationship? Be a teachable sponsee.