My husband is a secret drinker too. He can pretend very well. He is very high functioning at this point. It cycles, he will cut back when i say something and "appear" to be functioning like a social drinker and then it spirals quickly within a few months back to drinking until bedtime and all weekend long from morning to night. Each cycle I can see it getting a bit worse. This has gone on for years. I too often wondered if it would get worse or just stay the same but now I can see it getting worse. The decisions he makes, his appearance, his involvement with the family have all declined. He is still a respectable member of the community with an important job people admire but for how long until that declines too? They can only keep up appearances for so long before it all crumbles. I too haven't been to Alanon yet but I did join online. They have online meetings too. Keep taking care of yourself, see the therapist, try Alanon. You will know what o do when the time is right.