To use an analogy again, I feel as though I am a plane crash survivor who goes back to the site of the crash. We see those people on TV, and they want to know exactly what happened, moment by moment, every last detail of the plane's malfunction, the pilot's actions, the weather, the angle of the descent, everything. They are trying to absorb what has happened to them which has shaken them to the core and left them feeling they cannot count on anything anymore.
English Garden, this really hit home with me. I studied my son's addiction and addiction in general, I worked for 2 years in a rehab where I learned so many things that I had not known before. Coming here and listening to recovering addicts here taught me even more.
But the most important thing I learned? I learned that even when I think I know all the answer, even if I really truly do, the question that always remained was "Why?". Why would someone destroy themselves like this?. Why would they not stop when they saw the path of destruction they were on? Why me? Why my son? Why?
There is no answer to "Why?". Those who think they have the answer are mistaken, because it's not "my" "why".
So I understand what I can, I accept what was previously unacceptable, and I pray a lot....and pray again...and keep that candle of hope glowing in my heart, right between the candles of faith and love. Nothing can ever extinguish that light ever again.
Statistics be damned, my son may fail 1000 times but the time that really matters in the end is the time he succeeds. The odds are not 1000 to one against him, they are exactly the same, identical to, the odds for any addict out there. The same odds as Anvil faced, and Laurie and look at them today! (I love you both dearly).
Screw the statistics and embrace the success of those we love right here. That's where I get my hope. That's what keeps my candle glowing in my heart. The odds are identical for my son. Thank You God.
Hugs