I am sorry for your loss. I was about 3.5 years sober when my Mother passed away. I too wanted to drink and when something like that happens there are those who would even have understood if I did drink. But the way I had to look at it is what good would it do in the long run? And I also didn't want to let my Mom down by being a drunk mess! As hard as is it is, I agree you just have to get through it sober and carry on as best as one can. There is no problem so big that drinking/using can't make worse.
ShawnM
Sober date 12-21-08