I'm so sorry for your loss, lily... I almost lost my dad a couple weeks ago, and am still a little shaken by it, so I can only imagine how tough it is for you right now.
Ironically, one of the best ways to get through the pain sometimes is to embrace it. If you can accept that this is going to be hard and know that whatever you're feeling right now is OK (normal/natural), it helps lessen the need to escape. Sometimes, when I'm really having a hard time, I try to look at the pain/fear as a small child in me that needs comforting.
Don't know if any of this helps at all, but I do know that you'll be really glad, looking back on this, that you didn't drink.