jefaber, you sound like you're exactly where I was 7 weeks ago. I'd usually drank 3 nights during the work week 6-8 beers a night. On weekends, much more. There were drugs of all kinds in the mix as well. I put on this front that I had my act together. I fooled some but not as many as I may have thought. I too was sad and ashamed ... then I had a moment of clarity when I decided that I had enough. There are people here who have wonderful suggestions and advice. I'm new at this so I'm a little shaky in the advice department. That being said, for me making a plan, keeping busy, throwing away all of my paraphernalia were good first moves. I also talked to my wife, my adult children, my friends, and family to tell them of my decision to get sober and that I needed their support. So far so good. DON'T GIVE UP!!!! NEVER GIVE UP!!!