Originally Posted by
digderidoo 
Hi all, i've been thinking about a drink the last couple of days. I've posted here about my sponsor being ill and don't feel as though i can approach him, so felt a bit on my own with my thoughts.
Done prison service tonight and heard a powerful share from a lifer with many years sobriety, like he was really talking to me about how I had been feeling. Felt better because of it, so thought i'd post here.
It seems that when i have passed the alcohol in the shops, I have felt a longing for it, even noticed the prices.
It's my birthday tomorrow which hasn't panned out the way I have wanted it to, I have drank on my birthdays before so guess i may be concerned with that. Also coming up to 3 years in a weeks time, my sponsor always says sober birthdays makes you think about a drink.
Thanks for reading my share.
Each time I started drinking, I drank too much, made myself feel bad, and had regret over it.
Also, it started a demand in my body for more.
When I drank again after not drinking, I told myself I would drink 2 beers, say out of a 12 pack.
I imagined I would make the 12 pack last.
I would drink about 8 beers.
I would then have to go out again the next day for more, because now I only had 4, and knew that would not be "enough". This started a cycle of daily drinking after not drinking at all!
A total plunge into drunkeness all from one drink...the first one. Then I would beat myself up over the cost of it...it's expensive to drink, and then my body would give me pains in my liver and stomach...along with headache, or vomiting.
The beer would lead to vodka in a couple of days. Then I got to start the process of withdrawal, all over again...when I finally felt beat up enough by the booze. No fun.
It's amazing that I would ever drink again...but I did this for most of my life.
How much is enough?
There's never enough.
The end result is always the same.
Don't fall for the illusion.
Stay strong, immerse yourself...stay in the middle of the pack...
Don't fall to the wayside.
The illusion is that it will be different and cause no harm, but we know that's not true.
Each time ....each binge...served only one purpose...to escape...for oblivion...for fantasy...to feel good, but that's not the truth of what happened.
I hope you can look back at your history with when you hit bottom, and can draw on that memory to protect you.
I hope you remain under God's grace, safe and protected.
Happy Birthday!
Don't make yourself sick.
Respect yourself, love yourself, be good to yourself.
Someone needs you I am sure.
:day2