Welcome, Jean. I can relate to everything you just said- especially the third-day mark. My pattern was that I'd get drunk, wake up the next day, and swear off drinking for good. So Day 1 was the hangover, Day 2 was the anxiety, depression, and general haziness, then by Day 3 I'd feel a bit "better," so I'd throw in the towel and start drinking again. That cycle lasted for years, resulting in many lost opportunities and unbearable heartache.
So, I finally decided to try Alcoholics Anonymous. I had been to 3-4 meetings over the last five years, but never actually WORKED the program. Finally, this time around, I was ready to work it.
I went to a Beginner's meeting on Day 2, sobbed to a room full of 70 strangers as I for the first time in my life introduced myself as an alcoholic, and took every number I could get. I now go to 5-6 meetings a week, keep in touch with everyone I've met while I'm not at a meeting, and am working the 12 Steps with a sponsor-- who I call to check in with every single day.
It's only been 26 days, but in that time I've been through a lot. I've received incredible news, terrible news, and was even left by my long-term partner-- all of which have ALWAYS been triggers for my drinking, either in celebration or out of misery. But you know what? I haven't drank over any of it.
You need to get yourself to a meeting, and you need to get yourself there TODAY. None of this "18 days when my husband gets home" nonsense, or talking about pouring your vodka down the drain being your "first step" nonsense. Make arrangements for your kids, get to a meeting, and introduce yourself as new when you're there. Once you get in the door and they know that you're new, the AA fellowship will take care of the rest.
<3