I was diagnoised with PTS a few years ago along with other things. My doctor has urged me to quit drinking but I always down play how much I'm actually drinking. Again trying to fool somebody as well as myself. Perhaps I can now reach out to her.
I have a fear of reaching out with my identify (thats why I'm starting here) because I have severe trust issues.
When I was first being treated for depression I let my old-no longer doctor know everything. I felt like I was really ready to get help and better my future. I told her that I took a couple of hits of pot after work before I started dinner and helping kids with homework just to unwind. (This was before my drinking got out of hand). At my next visit she told me that she was thinking that she might call child services because I was smoking pot in the house with kids. (I never smoked infront of the kids and hid it by smoking in the bathroom before taking a shower). My therapist discussed it with her and she never did call but it completely devastated my ablity to reach out for help. (I don't smoke anymore so I was able to quit that- one less crutch).
I've thought about going to an AA meeting but just don't have the guts and don't want to be let down. I know that sounds crazy but after being thru counciling, therapy, and what nots for so long with little help I'm basically scared.