SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post

Mastrik · 12-09-2004, 10:06 AM

I had the same DOC (hydrocodone) and cannot give you any game but can share my experience. Just for the record I am 39 days clean off of everything.
My "bottom" came a little over a month ago when I ran out (I had several connects with large 'scripts and my addiction became so bad I was using all of theres within a matter of weeks). I simply became tired of being dope sick when I was out and broke.
I had known for a while that I had a problem as when I did my taxes last year it became apparent that I had spent more money on those things then I made the year previous (really).
I did not have to hit the bottom bottom like so many others have on these boards and in the NA rooms. I saw where this was going. I too had a mental list of pros and cons, but when I was honest with myself the cons outweighed the pros, big time. Especially when the pros boiled down to feeling good for about an hour or 2, keeping from getting sick, and the temporary energy it gave me. I knew if I could just tough it out (withdrawals) that eventually I would be free of the prison I built for myself.
And it was a prison, I, too, began to isolate myself and justified my using by saying I never fell out, OD'ed, get busted, etc. And when I "came out" to my friends and family it was apparent I did hide the addiction pretty well as they had no idea, but the fact remains I know what I was doing to myself and where this road was leading.
It sounds as though you too are in the same place, you are obviously a smart girl who recognizes that your addiction has progressed and that there is seemingly no way out. But I'm here to tell you there is.
I did not have the option to go to inpatient detox or rehab due to the field I'm in (I am a business owner) and could not afford to go "on record" with my addiction (if you have this choice I say go for it). So, I chose to go cold-turkey (again!!). But this time, I knew I could not do this alone. So I spent some time on the internet researching various methods to get off the garbage and decided the NA route was worth a try.
I went on day 1. I was comforted by the experience being around so many that understood what I was going through and they did the same thing I'm doing now. Sharing their experinces. It gave me hope. I then took a few days off (of life in general) to allow a week of detox so I could get to the meetings without running to the bathroom every couple of minutes. It was during this period I experienced my first pre-white chip relapse. I went to another meeting and they were ok with that and told me to keep coming back. I had my reservations about this thing but felt "if they can do it so can I". So I did.
At this point, I still did not "surrender" and get a white tag but I kept coming back. Toward the end of the 2nd week, I relapsed again. It was at that point i hit me that I was really a slave to these things. I decided to tell ALL of my connections and friends to cut me off, no matter what.
I knew that would help, but I am resourceful, so I went to another meeting the very next day and was told about the 90 in 90 "plan" (Go to 90 meetings in 90 days). I was beginning to self destruct so I figured (again) what the hell, why not? That was 11/01/04. On 11/02, I picked up my white tag/chip.
I did a few suggestions (stayed away from "friends" and "family" where I would probably end up using), went to meetings every day (a lot of times 2 meetings) and did not pick up no matter what. This was EXTREMELY HARD as I went completly cold-turkey and ended up going through many days of pure hell.
What kept me going through all of this was that I was in these meetings so much and so often, I could not help but make friends. I began to go out after the meetings and created a somewhat large network in a very short period of time. I've been going to so many that a lot of "old-timers" assumed (and still do) that I have been there for a while and that they have known me forever (I feel the same) even though it's only been a little over a month.
This has made all the difference. With this core network of NA friends, I have found that I do not need that stuff to feel happy. It has taken some time, but my energy has come back, I am happy more often then not, and I have more real friends that I am closer to then I ever would have before. I have even become involved helping those with less clean time than me and assisting with actvities, meetings, and other NA related stuff.
I did not start out in this thing to become "NA guy" but it seems that I am becoming him. It is not a bad thing. What keeps me clean now, is that I do not, cannot, lose this thing I have become involved in. I won't lie and say I do not still jones or want to use (I am only 39 days), but I do not NEED to. That is huge in and of itself.
I would suggest, if you do not start with rehab or inpatient/outpatient detox, then go to meetings EVERY DAY, 90 in 90. If you go the professional route, do the 90 in 90 when you get out/through it. This is not BS, had you known me before (and it sounds like you do because we are not dissimilar) you will know 39 days is a miracle.
As cheesy as it sounds, one day at a time is real and this thing works. If not NA, do whatever it takes. It is well worth it. And as my sponser told me, "Try this this for a while (6 months) and if you decide this isn't the path for you, the drugs and such will still be there, there not going anywhere". What have you got to lose? What are you waiting for?
And above all else.....keep coming back.

12-09-2004, 10:06 AM	#6 (permalink)
Mastrik The Addict Formerly Known As Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Left of Center Posts: 7	I had the same DOC (hydrocodone) and cannot give you any game but can share my experience. Just for the record I am 39 days clean off of everything. My "bottom" came a little over a month ago when I ran out (I had several connects with large 'scripts and my addiction became so bad I was using all of theres within a matter of weeks). I simply became tired of being dope sick when I was out and broke. I had known for a while that I had a problem as when I did my taxes last year it became apparent that I had spent more money on those things then I made the year previous (really). I did not have to hit the bottom bottom like so many others have on these boards and in the NA rooms. I saw where this was going. I too had a mental list of pros and cons, but when I was honest with myself the cons outweighed the pros, big time. Especially when the pros boiled down to feeling good for about an hour or 2, keeping from getting sick, and the temporary energy it gave me. I knew if I could just tough it out (withdrawals) that eventually I would be free of the prison I built for myself. And it was a prison, I, too, began to isolate myself and justified my using by saying I never fell out, OD'ed, get busted, etc. And when I "came out" to my friends and family it was apparent I did hide the addiction pretty well as they had no idea, but the fact remains I know what I was doing to myself and where this road was leading. It sounds as though you too are in the same place, you are obviously a smart girl who recognizes that your addiction has progressed and that there is seemingly no way out. But I'm here to tell you there is. I did not have the option to go to inpatient detox or rehab due to the field I'm in (I am a business owner) and could not afford to go "on record" with my addiction (if you have this choice I say go for it). So, I chose to go cold-turkey (again!!). But this time, I knew I could not do this alone. So I spent some time on the internet researching various methods to get off the garbage and decided the NA route was worth a try. I went on day 1. I was comforted by the experience being around so many that understood what I was going through and they did the same thing I'm doing now. Sharing their experinces. It gave me hope. I then took a few days off (of life in general) to allow a week of detox so I could get to the meetings without running to the bathroom every couple of minutes. It was during this period I experienced my first pre-white chip relapse. I went to another meeting and they were ok with that and told me to keep coming back. I had my reservations about this thing but felt "if they can do it so can I". So I did. At this point, I still did not "surrender" and get a white tag but I kept coming back. Toward the end of the 2nd week, I relapsed again. It was at that point i hit me that I was really a slave to these things. I decided to tell ALL of my connections and friends to cut me off, no matter what. I knew that would help, but I am resourceful, so I went to another meeting the very next day and was told about the 90 in 90 "plan" (Go to 90 meetings in 90 days). I was beginning to self destruct so I figured (again) what the hell, why not? That was 11/01/04. On 11/02, I picked up my white tag/chip. I did a few suggestions (stayed away from "friends" and "family" where I would probably end up using), went to meetings every day (a lot of times 2 meetings) and did not pick up no matter what. This was EXTREMELY HARD as I went completly cold-turkey and ended up going through many days of pure hell. What kept me going through all of this was that I was in these meetings so much and so often, I could not help but make friends. I began to go out after the meetings and created a somewhat large network in a very short period of time. I've been going to so many that a lot of "old-timers" assumed (and still do) that I have been there for a while and that they have known me forever (I feel the same) even though it's only been a little over a month. This has made all the difference. With this core network of NA friends, I have found that I do not need that stuff to feel happy. It has taken some time, but my energy has come back, I am happy more often then not, and I have more real friends that I am closer to then I ever would have before. I have even become involved helping those with less clean time than me and assisting with actvities, meetings, and other NA related stuff. I did not start out in this thing to become "NA guy" but it seems that I am becoming him. It is not a bad thing. What keeps me clean now, is that I do not, cannot, lose this thing I have become involved in. I won't lie and say I do not still jones or want to use (I am only 39 days), but I do not NEED to. That is huge in and of itself. I would suggest, if you do not start with rehab or inpatient/outpatient detox, then go to meetings EVERY DAY, 90 in 90. If you go the professional route, do the 90 in 90 when you get out/through it. This is not BS, had you known me before (and it sounds like you do because we are not dissimilar) you will know 39 days is a miracle. As cheesy as it sounds, one day at a time is real and this thing works. If not NA, do whatever it takes. It is well worth it. And as my sponser told me, "Try this this for a while (6 months) and if you decide this isn't the path for you, the drugs and such will still be there, there not going anywhere". What have you got to lose? What are you waiting for? And above all else.....keep coming back.