Problem: my DOC is Vicodin. Not was; is. Just Vicodin. Not booze or meth or anything else. Vicodin ES.
~ Over the last 2 years (hooked following a surgery) the stuff has come to make my day... it makes me smile, it lifts my mood, it elevates my outlook.... in short, it has become my little bottle of happiness.
The supply can come for quite a while longer. I used to be able to decrease the dosage to manageable (the druggie talkin', I know) levels - almost get off of it, but then the doses would always go back up again within a few short weeks. Now I'm not even able to get the daily numbers down at all. And lately they've increased to such an extent that I have decreased....... into myself. I've no friends to speak of, and I want this stuff OUT of my life. For good.
But the "pros" still outweigh the "cons"!!!
The problem, is, I can't stop 'cause I can't find a good enough reason to stop! [the druggie:] Why should I? I'm not 'hurting' anyone with my good moods, I'm not going to get busted, I don't fall on the floor in front of my kids, no one knows unless I tell them, they're very easy to hide, I maintain all my facilties very well AND
I need someone who's been there to tell me where to find the thinking/justification/strength to get off of this sh*t that's taken over my life!
Right now, the good moods are winning, but I know
I
MUST
STOP!!
This is bad for my health, it's running me into the poorhouse (my poor CC), it's probably killing my liver, I've no friends, I have no sex drive...... bunches of reasons, but none are strong enough to overpower the desire to smile.
Is there someone out there who can tell me if they've been where I am ......and what I can do/say to myself to get off this stuff?
Is an inpatient program where I have ABSOLUTELY NO ACCESS to the stuff the only option?
Lordy, I hope not
