I went through a "friend revolution" (nice term, Life Recovery!) when my late partner died of cancer. Before he got sick, I had a huge amount of friends... or so I thought. As soon as he got sick, almost every single one of them disappeared into thin air! I remember trying to call a few at some stage when I could do with a kind word or two during the most stressful times only to find myself ignored. It was absolutely awful and as my partner's full time carer, a huge job for one person without an ounce of support. When he died, I came to a lot of conclusions about a lot of things I had been very naive about. One of those things was friendship. Once he died, some of those friends reappeared as if nothing had happened. I couldn't believe I had gone through utter hell and they wanted to resume our friendship as if I had just been through a break up or something minor. Needless to say, I have been very selective when it comes to friendships since then.
One thing I have noticed is that my partner has a LOT of terrible friendships. I guess this is a common things among alcoholics. Since he quit drinking, I am finding these people more and more difficult to be around. I realise I should detach myself from his decision to be around these people, but they really make it hard for him to work through his recovery. It's not that he hasn't got any "good" and supportive friends, it's just that for some reason he neglects them and tends to focus on these "bad" friends who drink heavily around him, hit him up for favours, generally treat him pretty badly. His family are included in this list. Needless to say, all of these so-called friends have the most ridiculous dramas going on in their lives that are all considered normal.
My RBF is finding it harder and harder to see these people but he still grins and bears it most of the time. His choice. As for me, I have now stopped acompanying him and leave him to it while I do my own thing. I refuse to waste my time around people I don't like and who create drama and stress. I've had my fair share of that.
Unfortunately, as I write this, my plan to avoid the negative is somewhat thwarted by the fact a rather aggressive couple from abroad is staying with us at the moment. They were supposed to come for a couple of days but just turned up for five instead on the expectation we would take time off work to chauffer them around! Seriously! I set some ground rules before they came that I would not take any time off work, would not wait on them hand and foot, and that my partner and I would share cooking dinner. Of course, he got defensive as his emotions are all over the place at the moment, but I've stood firm. This couple speak to each other appallingly, telling each other to shut up, bitching, saying inappropriate things about their sex lives etc etc, and try to pass if off as a joke. I am pleased to discover my partner had a word with them about it today and told them to tone it down! He rarely stands up to people but could see how upset I was getting and actually did something. Big development.
Anyway, in my case I just don't want or need this negativity and dysfunction in my life anymore, so I am choosing my time and friendships wisely.