I was in love with a cocaine addict
I was in love with a cocaine addict...i still am (maybe) but we are not together anymore. I understand that what he did was not right. Sometimes I miss him cos he was my 1st love but then I think of what he did to me and I see he was completely out of mind. Not that he was crazy or out of control, but very mean...My friends won't believe me. They don't believe that he does cocaine every day very constantly (he LOOKS good indeed). Cocaine is now something that ppl do as if they were drinking coffee and only those who have known the drug closely understand this world and what it brings. I am blamed for being the fragile girl. That things happened cos I could not manage him. This is what anyone from the outside would see, a young, fragile girl who cpuld not help solve his man's problems. He made me cry a lot. I don't know if this is a bad thing. Should you hide your tears just to look stronger in front of your man? Or better should you not want to cry? You should be strong! I dont' know. The thing is I was strong enough to see the world. I travel alone since I was 19. I've been everywhere and spent a long time away from my parents. I'm a curious person so that came naturally. I wanted to understand different cultures. My ex bf fell in love with me cos of this. He was fascinated by my strength to be able to go and find a job wherever. So he believed I was someone who could save him. WRONG! It turned out I could not manage anything about him. It turned out to be a messy relationship where I even lost my identity.And it only took few months to loose it all... I would like to understand why. Is it me? Was I too fragile? How can a fragile girl travel the world by her self? I don't understand myself anymore. I don't know me anymore. This site helped me a little. It's good to know that these stories with addicts are all the same, pretty much. There is always the partner who gets abused and at the end he/she understands that their sanity is worth more than the addict. I understand I m better off without him. But sometimes I think...what if I was stronger? What if...I could manage him...or his addiction? Some ppl can maybe.