Day 14, AA meeting #3/Still feels like a ROLLERCOASTER!
Hello SR community.
Today I am two weeks with out drinking. I wish I didn't feel the need to keep counting the days, but counting sobriety days is a bit like having a savings account: the more I put into it, the less I want to take out of it or mess with it in anyway. I guess the longer I go without drinking, the less I want to screw up.
That being said, even though I finally went to my home town meeting and met some really great people, I am really STRUGGLING with my desire to drink tonight. I'm tired, I'm tense, and I'm irritated with my husband. I'm up in front of the tube, and under these circumstances, I would be having a beer right now.
Whenever I start to think that I "can't" have a beer, or that I will "never" enjoy a beer again, I start to feel really freaked out. I start imagining back yard bonfires with friends without drinking, or going to the beach with my family and not enjoying some cider with my husband-- etc. I know that my drinking has consequences, I know that my drinking is a problem, but knowing that intellectually does not seem to help my mental state.
I must say it's been really helpful just to read other people's posts.
People keep saying that it gets easier. Can I ask WHEN!????
I'm trying to recognize that this is my addiction talking, but right now, I feel like I have multiple personality disorder, and my addictive personality is not being very nice, at all!
Cheers