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BrokenSpirit · 11-25-2004, 11:50 AM

Well.... I was a complete mess again for a while. I managed t trick another doctor into giving me more stuff I shouldn't have. But that's what we do, right??

Anyway, one night is a total blur. I got off easy this time. No car accident this time. No falling down my steps. Thank God, because I could have broken my neck. I NEED to keep thinking about the could of's!! Anyway, I vaguely remember how I kept bashing into things. I broke a LOT of stuff in my house!! I DO remember that I fell flat on my face at least 2 times, landing on my nose both times. I'm not sure if I broke my nose.... I think I might have. Anyway, that was about 2 or 3 weeks ago, and the sore is still there, faded, but still there. At first, I wanted it to go away as quickly as possible, and I tried to cover it up with makeup, but now I WANT to see it. Why?? So I can be reminded of what I've become every time I look in the mirror.... every time I want to go "Trick" my doctor into giving me more pills.

I have to get my new driver's license picture taken soon. Maybe I won't cover it up. Although it isn't THAT noticeable.

Anyway, I started going to a psychologist. I don't think it's working out, because he doesn't specialize in addiction, so I called my insurance company. They told me to go to him one more time, and then call this place where they DO specialize in it and make an appointment. I will do that this coming Monday. That is my only day off. I'm not ready to go back to NA, but this place I'm going to may put me in group sessions.... I'm not sure.

Anyway, I think (hope) I'm really done this time. My biggest fear right now is that the doctor I tricked is the doctor I'm going to go see next month. I ended up switching family doctors & told them everything. The doctor I tricked also knows I'm an addict, so I don't know why he gave me these pills. I'm under an incredible amount of stess right now, and to add to that, I have a really hard time sleeping without my pills. I'm taking Tylenol PM, but I know that HAS to stop. I just do NOT want to relapse. I'm starting to realize how close I've come each time to seriously hurting myself or dying. I CANNOT let that happen. I'm done.

I hope I can make this work. Thanks for listening.

11-25-2004, 11:50 AM	#1 (permalink)
BrokenSpirit Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: My Own Little World Posts: 102	Update on me.... if anyone's interested Well.... I was a complete mess again for a while. I managed t trick another doctor into giving me more stuff I shouldn't have. But that's what we do, right?? Anyway, one night is a total blur. I got off easy this time. No car accident this time. No falling down my steps. Thank God, because I could have broken my neck. I NEED to keep thinking about the could of's!! Anyway, I vaguely remember how I kept bashing into things. I broke a LOT of stuff in my house!! I DO remember that I fell flat on my face at least 2 times, landing on my nose both times. I'm not sure if I broke my nose.... I think I might have. Anyway, that was about 2 or 3 weeks ago, and the sore is still there, faded, but still there. At first, I wanted it to go away as quickly as possible, and I tried to cover it up with makeup, but now I WANT to see it. Why?? So I can be reminded of what I've become every time I look in the mirror.... every time I want to go "Trick" my doctor into giving me more pills. I have to get my new driver's license picture taken soon. Maybe I won't cover it up. Although it isn't THAT noticeable. Anyway, I started going to a psychologist. I don't think it's working out, because he doesn't specialize in addiction, so I called my insurance company. They told me to go to him one more time, and then call this place where they DO specialize in it and make an appointment. I will do that this coming Monday. That is my only day off. I'm not ready to go back to NA, but this place I'm going to may put me in group sessions.... I'm not sure. Anyway, I think (hope) I'm really done this time. My biggest fear right now is that the doctor I tricked is the doctor I'm going to go see next month. I ended up switching family doctors & told them everything. The doctor I tricked also knows I'm an addict, so I don't know why he gave me these pills. I'm under an incredible amount of stess right now, and to add to that, I have a really hard time sleeping without my pills. I'm taking Tylenol PM, but I know that HAS to stop. I just do NOT want to relapse. I'm starting to realize how close I've come each time to seriously hurting myself or dying. I CANNOT let that happen. I'm done. I hope I can make this work. Thanks for listening.