Originally Posted by
PhilsFan33 
Has anyone ever had a crush on someone that you've met in NA?? She has 18 months and I have 53 days lol She's just so beautiful and I want to talk to her and maybe even ask her out. I dunno tho does NA have rules against this kind of stuff??
NA Basic Text states, “One of our biggest stumbling blocks in recovery seems to be placing unrealistic expectations on ourselves or others. Relationships in early recovery can be a terribly painful area.
The key too our recovery in this area is found in the NA quote…"unrealistic expectations on ourselves or others." When we get into a relationship we can easily put unrealistic expectations on other people. We want them to love and adore us sometimes becoming hurt and angry if we see any evidence to the contrary. In fact, some of us can be so guarded that we refuse to love someone else until we get an absolute guarantee they will not leave us (a definite unrealistic expectation).
Of course no one can live up to unrealistic expectations so as the basic text says, "If we lean too heavily on people, they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and cannot possibly meet our incessant demands.” So what is the key to a successful relationship?
Faith….a dependence on a higher power that is greater than any dependency on another person. When we believe our Higher Power loves us and is looking out for our best interests our fear lessens. We realize that people go in and out of our lives. People are placed in our lives for our own best interest, and people leave our lives for our own best interest. Our Higher Power loves us so much that he removes people from our lives to make room for better ones.
So what can we do to help this process? Practice. Allow people to move in and out of your life without any expectations. Date lots of different people and enjoy yourself.
Just don’t become sexual, until you have dated for awhile and have decided it is someone you would like a committed relationship with. By this time some of your fears should have subsided as well as some of your expectations.
Here is a link to a non-approved NA literature.
Relationships and Recovery: A Basic Text on Relationships for Addicts and Alcoholics: Joey B.: 9781450703369: Amazon.com: Books The Author: Joey B. has been clean and sober for over twenty years.
Please keep me informed of your progress.
TB