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hector · 11-22-2004, 04:24 PM

(((karen))) (((mike)))

Thanks to both of you for sharing. Your stories made good reading.

You're both on the right track, I think. You didn't park your brains at the door of a church or an AA meeting. You continue to think, reason, question, use your God-given intellect. At the same time, you're open-minded, willing to listen. Good for you. Keep it up.

I've been divorced twice. My first wife was paranoid schizophreic when I met and married her. Then her diagnosis was "improved" to manic depressive. Then "mood swings." Not much difference I could see. After 6 1/2 years of marriage she kicked me out. I was frustrated enough to go. I met my second wife less than a year later. She introduced me to Al-Anon and Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA); my first wife and my father had drinking problems. Six months after we were married, I joined AA, having faced facts. That's when I found out she talked the talk just fine, but couldn't walk the walk. She became my enemy, despite my best efforts to be a good husband. I left her after 9 1/2 years of marriage, almost seven years ago.

Your stories are different. Your spouses are not in the program. My feeling is that God can lead a person out of a marriage. I think that happened to me. I don't think God hates divorce, I think God wants us to see it and use it only as a last resort.

The counselor I sought out in the last days of my second marriage didn't try to tell me to stay or go. He simply tried to be sure I was right with God and deciding properly. He recommended a book, "Boundaries: When to say Yes, When to say No, to Take Control of Your Life" by Cloud/Townsend, published by Zondervan, copyright 1992. I read and I underlined. I highlighted paragraphs. I met with him weekly to discuss things. After about five weeks, I decided to leave her - with a clear, open mind. I don't regret leaving her.

I'm still active in my church, as much as ever. My priorities are sobriety and spirituality, each equally important. I'm happier, healthier, and more prosperous than ever before. I've been sober almost 16 years (birthday Saturday).

My point is, divorce if necessary, but not necessarily divorce.

Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.

11-22-2004, 04:24 PM	#8 (permalink)
hector My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Western Canada Posts: 302	(((karen))) (((mike))) Thanks to both of you for sharing. Your stories made good reading. You're both on the right track, I think. You didn't park your brains at the door of a church or an AA meeting. You continue to think, reason, question, use your God-given intellect. At the same time, you're open-minded, willing to listen. Good for you. Keep it up. I've been divorced twice. My first wife was paranoid schizophreic when I met and married her. Then her diagnosis was "improved" to manic depressive. Then "mood swings." Not much difference I could see. After 6 1/2 years of marriage she kicked me out. I was frustrated enough to go. I met my second wife less than a year later. She introduced me to Al-Anon and Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA); my first wife and my father had drinking problems. Six months after we were married, I joined AA, having faced facts. That's when I found out she talked the talk just fine, but couldn't walk the walk. She became my enemy, despite my best efforts to be a good husband. I left her after 9 1/2 years of marriage, almost seven years ago. Your stories are different. Your spouses are not in the program. My feeling is that God can lead a person out of a marriage. I think that happened to me. I don't think God hates divorce, I think God wants us to see it and use it only as a last resort. The counselor I sought out in the last days of my second marriage didn't try to tell me to stay or go. He simply tried to be sure I was right with God and deciding properly. He recommended a book, "Boundaries: When to say Yes, When to say No, to Take Control of Your Life" by Cloud/Townsend, published by Zondervan, copyright 1992. I read and I underlined. I highlighted paragraphs. I met with him weekly to discuss things. After about five weeks, I decided to leave her - with a clear, open mind. I don't regret leaving her. I'm still active in my church, as much as ever. My priorities are sobriety and spirituality, each equally important. I'm happier, healthier, and more prosperous than ever before. I've been sober almost 16 years (birthday Saturday). My point is, divorce if necessary, but not necessarily divorce. Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together. __________________ Rocket scientist, how insulting! - Sheldon, Big Bang Theory How do you eat an elephant? .......... One bite at a time. :