I put on the jazz music channel before and realized it is the first time I have done so while being sober. I used to enjoy it while drinking my wine. It is soothing and makes me feel like I am surrounded by people at a classy party lol This time, I get to enjoy it more because I won't drink to black out, eventually turn it off and get into some kind of trouble--drunk dialing, drunk emailing, pondering why I have to life in this miserable world. It's so interesting how I am coming to see things in a new way without a drink. I sit here and think of how I miss the feeling alcohol gave to me in the first 30 minutes of drinking it. Now that I have clarity I see that those 30 minutes were never really worth it. The consequences I now suffer from my last relapse are concrete but not life threatening. I have been given another chance and for that I am grateful. Today, I feel homesick for a future that hasn't revealed itself to me in any way as of yet. Falling in love, creating a cozy home, perhaps starting a family, making great memories. When I was drinking I led myself to believe I didn't WANT any of these things but inside I knew I COULDN'T have them if I continue on my isolated path. In these 24 hours, I am hopeful for my life because I am sober. I look forward to experiencing many more "firsts". This is a simple, quiet day but a good one
