View Single Post
Old 12-21-2012, 12:15 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
PohsFriend
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Real World
Posts: 729
My wife is a recovering alcoholic. We were friends for a couple years before I knew that. We used to do happy hours and we'd hang out at the bar when traveling.

First we found out she was an alcoholic stage 4 who was amazingly functional... Didn't grasp it until she spent weeks in a hospital.... We didn't understand it. After she was dry for a few months she figured she could drink like a "normal" person. She figured she was safe if I was with her. We had a bottle of wine over dinner - down from our prior cocktails followed by wine and drinks after dinner... That went ok. Then we did the same thing a week later and she wound up on a downward spiral.

She Got "into recovery" about a year ago. She had two lapses in September but did not get " drunk" - I missed it. That seems like no biggy but she was quite pregnant. After that she really started recovery - she committed to AA rather than just showing up.

So, I'm in your shoes. At first she told me to go ahead but eventually confessed that it made it hard. Watching me drink was like Edward watching Bella.

She later confessed that she feels guilty about the impact her disease (it isvavdisease, not a character defect) has on me and doesn't want me to suffer because she can't drink.

So I don't drink around my wife. We don't keep it in the house and we don't go to parties or bars. Our social group is mainly recovering alcoholics but that's not a big sacrifice.

So it is something to think about. There may come a time when it doesn't bother him but he may need to stay clear of it forever in order to stay sober. It clicked in my head when my wife and I moved in together. She is one of those people who can eat cookies and candy and still have a perfect figure, shoot -she just had a baby without getting a stretch mark (yeah, I know ladies....Bitch!). Well, obesity runs in my family. Actually it waddles in my family. I'm the only thing that ever ran in my family and I have to limit junk food to one free day per week even though it's typical for me to bicycle around 5000 miles in a year. It... What's the term? It bugged the crap out of me and I pleaded with her not to bring that crap home because I will eat it! So I see having a drink while she sips diet sprite like her eating a nice gooey brownie while I munch my apple... Don't want to kill her fun but I'd rather have acsixpack and love handles, not a keg and armrests and she wants me healthy so she abstains in front of me.

If you enjoy being able to go out with your sig other and drink or you really love wine like I do then it's something to consider. In my case, no drink in the world could taste good enough or give me more joy than looking at my wife laying next to me right now sleeping with the baby nestled against her knowing that she is recovering.

If she drinks, she goes to a rehab center or she leaves, period.n living with an alcoholic who won't work to remain sober is not something I could stand. I would give my life for her, I just wont watch her kill herself.

You are the only one who can judge whether he's worth giving up alcohol arOund him. If he asked his ex and asked you but did not want you to suffer because of him I'm willing to bet it would be hard and he really needs his partner to help him by not waving it in front of him.

FWIW - he sounds like he is considerate and serious about sobriety, the only bad thing I heard was that he drank on your first date. Alcoholics who fail at recovery convince themselves they can drink like a normal person. Diabetics don't think they can eat candy like a normal person ...same deal but addiction impacts the mind.

Welcome, keep reading and keep visiting. It's good that you are concerned and want to help. Just remember that only he can do it, you can be supportive and you can abstain or drink but his sobriety is up to him. If he's said that watching you drink is hard, believe him. That's a good sign.
PohsFriend is offline