Oh gee I can relate so much to you Sad, although I am 48 & not the fitness fanatic you are...late nights drinking alone, falling asleep on the couch, embarrassed about the memory loss, too afraid to ask, trying to conceal from everyone...I even cut short outings where I say oh only a couple then race home to my safe lounge & drink to oblivion
I was always a tiny frame & when I hit 40 ballooned 4 stone into a large frame, I know it's the alcohol as I'm not a big eater, so just watch this. Also my doctor is worried & sent me to a specialist because my liver is very bad....I know this will only get worse. Hence I came here & I know you will find what I did, someone to actually be honest with. I'm sure my friends suspect, but really it's only the recycle man who hears all the smashing each fortnight when the truck comes around LOL