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Hey KC
Re your self esteem.... maybe you could stop this behavior and move on from there. I didn't have a shred of self esteem until I stopped drinking and drugging. But just the fact of stopping these behaviors helped my self esteem..
As for not knowing why you did it, are you in therapy? It does help, yaknow.
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The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.
---------Terry Pratchett
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