Hi Jeni, I relate to you a lot. I work full-time as a teacher (so I have to bring work home), have two very young children, two large dogs, a husband with a challenging work schedule, and autoimmune illness. I also go to meetings every day. It's a lot to balance. Every once in a while I think, do I have to do AA the rest of my life? Do I always have to go to meetings? When do I get to have time for ME?
Then I turn on the gratitude. Thank GOD I have AA so I can live a better life, one day at a time. The time I spend in a meeting and doing service IS for me. I struggle with my will and find that a lot of my turmoil stems from slacking on step 3. I need to consciously work that step daily.
I'm very fortunate that my sponsor is very much like me, from being a teacher to needing to be conscious of step 3. We are very compatible, and she has a lot of knowledge from her 20+ years of sobriety. Are you and your sponsor compatible? There were a few times I felt offended by something that she said and I realized that it was because she was RIGHT and my will had to take a back seat. That said, I am really grateful that I feel that she doesn't judge me and that I can go to her for guidance. When I first came to AA, as she put it, I wanted 20 years of sobriety in a week. I calmed down, but she understood my need to work through the steps. She found and attended a local step workshop with me (all the steps in 5 weeks). IT was an awesome experience - I came out of it with much better knowledge & understanding of the BB, I completed the steps and feel the peace that comes with the spiritual awakening, and I trust her more than ever. She's the right sponsor for me. I couldn't work the program with a sponsor that I was not comfortable with.
Also, I have been able to embrace AA fully only because I have a solid background of therapy. I have only been to therapy twice in the past 3 months because I really don't need it anymore. I have done a lot of really good work in therapy and have identified the genesis of my issues. The main problem has been my unwillingness to surrender, to admit that I am an alcoholic. I thought that if I just had enough therapy that I would stop abusing alcohol (which is one of the reasons why the first few chapters of the BB resonated with me so much). I am very, very grateful that I have the background that I do in therapy; I believe that has enhanced my AA experience tremendously. But that's what was right for me.