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Karivan · 11-03-2004, 08:55 PM

Hi. I hadn't really looked at this forum before but I think I was led here by God because of my confusion over Christianity vs. my marriage.

I want to do God's will but how will I know what it is? I've been married to my H for 14 years and his drinking has gotten really bad in the past few years. We are both Christians... he has been for years and I'm new to it.

My AH has been sober for almost a month. He went to 3 AA meetings but our church counselor talked bad about 12 step programs so he didn't go this week. I was really angry when the counselor said that about AA because I'd been trying to get my AH to go to AA for years. The church counselor said he isn't a marriage counselor so all he will counsel us on is our personal walk with God. In the last meeting with him he said we aren't going to talk about the drinking again. I understand where he is coming from but I feel we need to talk about our issues and now my AH doesn't want to get counseling. He said he "might" go to a Christian counselor.

Right now he pretty much lives downstairs and I live upstairs. We don't share a bed or much of anything else. We don't talk about our issues and now I'm worried that he has quit working on his recovery. He said he wants to get to the point that he doesn't want to drink and through God he will. But he isn't working on the issues that are causing his drinking.

I'm struggling with wanting to be on my own and just not deal with it anymore but I keep reading and hearing that God hates divorce. I do want to do God's will but what happens when my AH isn't motivated to work on our marriage? He usually just lets things happen to him and he just isn't a very motivated person. Sometimes I just think he's lazy and would prefer to let me handle everything. The kids are grown and so it's just us and I'm tired of taking care of him. I want him to start taking responsibility for his life, his finances, his home responsibilities... He wants me to tell him what to do all the time and I keep telling him I'm not his mother and to make up his own mind. Sometimes I think that if he were on his own, he would have to take responsibility for himself and learn to like it!

I know this is long and I apologize. These issues have been bothering me a lot. How do you reconcile what the Bible says to what your life is? Does God really want people to be stuck in a relationship that isn't going anywhere?

I would appreciate some feedback. God Bless.
Karen

11-03-2004, 08:55 PM	#1 (permalink)
Karivan Radar Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Colorado Springs Posts: 199	Confused new Christian Hi. I hadn't really looked at this forum before but I think I was led here by God because of my confusion over Christianity vs. my marriage. I want to do God's will but how will I know what it is? I've been married to my H for 14 years and his drinking has gotten really bad in the past few years. We are both Christians... he has been for years and I'm new to it. My AH has been sober for almost a month. He went to 3 AA meetings but our church counselor talked bad about 12 step programs so he didn't go this week. I was really angry when the counselor said that about AA because I'd been trying to get my AH to go to AA for years. The church counselor said he isn't a marriage counselor so all he will counsel us on is our personal walk with God. In the last meeting with him he said we aren't going to talk about the drinking again. I understand where he is coming from but I feel we need to talk about our issues and now my AH doesn't want to get counseling. He said he "might" go to a Christian counselor. Right now he pretty much lives downstairs and I live upstairs. We don't share a bed or much of anything else. We don't talk about our issues and now I'm worried that he has quit working on his recovery. He said he wants to get to the point that he doesn't want to drink and through God he will. But he isn't working on the issues that are causing his drinking. I'm struggling with wanting to be on my own and just not deal with it anymore but I keep reading and hearing that God hates divorce. I do want to do God's will but what happens when my AH isn't motivated to work on our marriage? He usually just lets things happen to him and he just isn't a very motivated person. Sometimes I just think he's lazy and would prefer to let me handle everything. The kids are grown and so it's just us and I'm tired of taking care of him. I want him to start taking responsibility for his life, his finances, his home responsibilities... He wants me to tell him what to do all the time and I keep telling him I'm not his mother and to make up his own mind. Sometimes I think that if he were on his own, he would have to take responsibility for himself and learn to like it! I know this is long and I apologize. These issues have been bothering me a lot. How do you reconcile what the Bible says to what your life is? Does God really want people to be stuck in a relationship that isn't going anywhere? I would appreciate some feedback. God Bless. Karen