Jade - yeah, I just turned 30 and your story sounds just like mine. I let it go though, till I was 28 and the blackouts got worse, the disease/alcoholism is so progressive, it's scary. I never understood that until recently. Drinking became no fun, I got depressed and would drink bottles of vodka until I passed out just to feel the same "buzz" I used to feel, but it never, ever came back. It'll really F you up. Alot of people i know never even had a blackout. To me, it was pretty normal/regular. If I didn't have one, I was proud. If I drank only beer and shots, I was proud. If I didn't drink a half bottle before I went out, I was proud. My 20's really have been crazy because of this game.
I"m just saying - I drank every day basically from 21 through 28. Was functional though, for the most part of the time, great job, boyfriends, awesome aparmtnets.
But as a person, I am no where near 30 now. I feel like I'm 19 again...no idea how to live/feel like an adult when I drank away a decade! Or at least used it as a crutch.
Please, if you take one bit of advice from anyone - blackouts aren't normal. This will get worse. It will turn into no fun at all eventually and self-hatred takes a strong hold. You can never replicate it. But you can learn to live without it.
I'm only 30 days sober this time around, but trust me on this. At least think about it! Give yourself 30 days clean. Make that deal. See what happens/how you feel about ****.
If you CANNOT do that (Not you don't want to because no one ever wants to_) there is a problem, for sure. 30 days in teh scheme of things is nothing!