Becron- you are amazing, you can do this! One of the many reasons I just filed for divorce is because I don't want to relapse after five years of sobriety, and I'm pretty sure I will if I stay. Because in order to survive the painful reality that my marriage is I would have to numb out. I don't want to live that life again, it was more painful than what I'm going through now because I hated myself. As hard as leaving my marriage is, its out of true love and compassion, for myself, for my children, and even for AH because maybe he will get healthy when he loses everything he loves. However that's out of my hands.